Cultivating Joy
When we heard the words, “Vascular Ehlers- Danlos Syndrome”, our hearts dropped. As a mother, I think my heart may have stopped for a moment. Getting a diagnosis of Vascular Ehlers -Danlos Syndrome is like being told that you have Cancer and only so many days, weeks, months or years to live.
My daughter had just been given this grim diagnosis and all we could do was to look at one another and speak our unspoken language; the language that tells what words cannot express. “Don’t lose it, don’t lose it, keep it together, don’t let her see you cry” were the messages my brain was delivering to my thinking, feeling, hurting heart. I wanted to stay strong for her in that moment; she needed me to stay strong. We had talked about this day for a long time and tried to prepare ourselves that perhaps this would be Ashley’s medical reality; quietly holding out the hope that things could just be as they were and we could go on like normal.
As a praying woman, my days since her diagnosis are filled with even more prayer, gratitude for every simple thing, and cultivating joy. Cultivating joy because the other side of it are pain, fear, anger and sadness. Cultivating joy because my daughter deserves joy, cultivating joy because God is the author of joy. Cultivating joy because He is the Great I Am, the One Who IS and IS to come, the Great Physician, Healer of our transgressions and our Redeemer.
God sometimes gives us messages long before our hearts are ready to accept or understand them. All I know is that when something resonates with my heart, it’s usually because God is preparing me for something. Fourteen years ago, when we moved into our 150 year old Victorian home, we were in the beginning stages of seriously looking for a diagnosis for Ashley. I found a sign that reads, “Each Day is a Gift”. I don’t know why, but it was in tune with my heart and I hung it in our living room, where it has stayed for fourteen years.
“Each day is a gift”-sounds like a simple phrase, doesn’t it? Over the years, I have looked at the sign and acknowledged it, repeating, “each day is a gift”, but it never hit home as clearly as it does now. For me, the sign has been a reminder to give thanks and to be fully present with my family. Now my days are full of being present; present with the pain that our daughter lives with, present with her feelings of hopelessness on hard days, present with the love, compassion and empathy I feel for her, present with the intention of cultivating joy together. Present, that we may fully live.
Prior to going to Mayo Clinic, my husband and I knew something was terribly wrong, but we had faith that once we got to the bottom of it, there would be a way to fix it. That’s what parents always believe for our children. What parent wants to believe that there is no way to help your sick child to live the longest, healthiest, happiest life possible? “Of course there is a cure! Of course there is a way to fix it!”
Instead, what we have found is that joy helps us defeat the sadness of things we cannot control. Joy helps us to live in the moment. Joy helps us forget our deepest fears for a moment. Joy brings healing. Joy brings grace. Joy brings hope. Joy helps us honor the One who knows the number of our days.
Here are a few steps that I have learned along the way to living a life of cultivated joy:
- It’s crucial to give thanks. Give thanks for the big things, the small things and everything in between.
- Be present. Don’t live in the past, don’t meditate upon the future. Be fully present where you are now, on this day, in this moment.
- Only the positive. We don’t have the luxury of a negative thought. Refute negative thoughts with positive, life giving thoughts. In recent years, my favorite scripture verse is: “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” Philippians 4:8 (KJV)
- Let every breath be a prayer. We cannot remove ourselves from God. He is in every breath. Pray, always.
- Keep your promises. Do what you say you are going to do and come through for people. Don’t let people down. Be a woman of your word. “Know therefore that the LORD thy God, he is God, the faithful God, which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations;” Deuteronomy 7:9 (KJV)
- Cultivate opportunities for joy. “A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.” Proverbs 15:13 (KJV) Joy is a discipline, which becomes a habit through intention. We can choose to look at the gloomy side of life or we can be grateful and have a joyful heart and cheerful countenance.
- Keep hope alive. God is still God. He still performs miracles. He is more than able to help us in every situation. He is never early, never late, but always right on time.
God bless you, friends. In the midst of hard things, cultivate joy as a daily practice in your lives and see how the Lord provides. His mercies are new each morning. He will never leave us, or forsake us. Don’t lose hope in the darkness and stop believing for your miracle.