Updated Post From My Old Blogger Blog!
Prayer and Fasting: What I Have Learned Through Difficulty
When we are alone with Christ, one-on-one in the silence, there is an intimacy that reveals unwavering love, compassion, forgiveness and acceptance. Silence is the doorway to peace. No compromise, no questioning, just me….and GOD, one-on-one. Christ, reaching out His hand to bring me comfort.
The disciplines of prayer and fasting are a means for me to make a declaration of my faith in God. I do not fast for great lengths of time, and do not have a standard by which I abide. My choice to fast is between God and I. The practice of fasting is a way to say, “Hello God, you have my undivided attention today. I will depend upon you for my sustenance. I want to feel that you are close to me. I want to be in your presence.” This may mean skipping lunch or restricting myself to only soup and light meals for a day.
While the world spins out of control, and I hear terrible things on the news—of loss and murder, of bombs and tragedy, of hatred, wars, hunger and death…when I am alone with my Creator, everything is beautiful. He took the scars of the world upon his own hands, he wore the thorny crown that pierced the skin, wounded for our transgressions and yet, the God I know, reaches out His hand to me and it is without flaws.
I am certain when during this week I receive a phone call that the grandbaby of my dear friend has been diagnosed with Leukemia, that the boy is in the loving hands of our God; reassured that my very own fears of death pale in comparison to life everlasting. I pray silently that Christ would breathe his warm, soft breath over this boy and into his lungs and the blood that runs through his veins, because He is a God of miracles.
I pray for the hush of silent peace to rush over his mama’s aching heart, and to whirl around his family.
As I commune with God in my fleshly, self-centered way, praying for my own needs, God reveals to me the innermost hurts and burdens of those around me. I am left with a hole inside of me from all of the needs I never noticed because I have not drawn close enough to Christ often enough to see people through His eyes. As He transforms my eyes into His own, I begin to understand and feel more compassion and love for others.
“Hold out your hand“, Christ urges…. I hold out a clenched fist, wrought with human experience. His hand gently opens mine and the heart of stone that I have held onto so tightly becomes like clay. Tears fall like rain, each drop bearing the name of someone I may have missed, overlooked, dismissed, hurt, or abandoned. Each falling tear also representing my own hurts, fears and sadness
And yet, in the midst of my silence, as my spirit is open to receive that which God has for me, He sends messages about my passion and purpose. He reassures me that I still have work to do, yet, it takes me days to realize this message. A friend calls to ignite and renew my passion for a women’s retreat center when she tells me that I can use her farmhouse and 15 acres, left vacant by she and her husband when they moved to the city. Really? God-are you bringing to life something that I have been afraid to dream could possibly happen? The cumulative effect of many disappointments has conditioned me to question God’s plans for me. I realize that this has kept me from living in His fullness. These are ugly truths and I wonder if others have grappled with them too. I have sustained loss after loss, leaving me spiritually paralyzed. Loss has a way of clinging to the inner-most parts of our being, lingering there like a cancer. We rarely recognize the fact that it has never fully left but changed us inside, our DNA so to speak.
White candle flickering, I understand that I must embrace the realization of my ugly truths. It is part of the human experience. As my mind grapples with the depth of my own woundedness, I realize that finding a silent place daily to commune with God is lifeblood to a healthy soul.
A time of prayer and fasting is like going on a retreat with God. Here are some of the things that I have learned:
- Intimacy with God requires silence of mind and body
- Connection requires an intimate daily relationship with God
- Be a seeker of Truth, even when it is painful
- When we are willing to face difficult truths in our lives, God’s Grace covers us
- God often speaks to us through others
- As we begin to see others through the eyes of Christ, we gain wisdom and understanding
- He can transform hearts of stone into hearts of clay
- He has plans for each of us
- God is only a whisper away, yet living in His fullness requires commitment
- He will let us know when our work is finished