God has a plan.
After leaving a painful job that left me spiritually and emotionally drained, I was so preoccupied with my experience that it was difficult to see very far down the road. Somewhere in the middle of my trying job situation, I stopped believing that God could give me anything greater than the life of torment that I had been living for several years. Day after day, I was bullied and emotionally battered by the three men with whom I worked. After being in this painful situation for such a long time, I lost sight of the idea that God could rescue me, and that He might use all of those experiences for His good. A friend had a banner made for me with the scripture, “For we walk by faith, not by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7). This verse became a lifesaver for me as I tried to pull myself out of the drowning thoughts that plagued me.
Deep down I was hurt and angry with God. How could He allow men of God to treat me, a woman of God, so cruelly? How could he allow them to spiritually and emotionally abuse me day after day? Why did he allow them to take the blinders off my eyes? The blinders allowed me to believe that all of God’s people have pure hearts. Why did he allow me to be persecuted for serving him?
Sometimes when bad things happen we begin to question God’s mercy and grace. I remember very clearly a particular morning. I was driving along a beautiful country road on my way to work. The sun was coming up through the trees and I was fretting, crying and praying about enduring another day of torment. The Holy Spirit said to me, “If they tortured the King of Kings, mocking him, hurling rocks and throwing insults, why wouldn’t they do it to you?” I did not feel like I was in a position to leave my pastorate, as my ministry fed and clothed thousands of families. The ministry that I had collaborated with God to build was, in fact, practically its own church, and I nurtured the spiritual growth and well being of its flock. I knew that if I left, the ministry would fold and would affect the lives of people I had cared for.
Daily, I prayed in the quiet of my office for God to show me a way out. I prayed that He would lead me down a new path. I prayed to Him to release me from the stress and trauma of abusive relationships in the Church. I prayed for the welfare of the thousands of people who saw me as their pastor, even though they did not attend church. I prayed that God would continue to provide for the beautiful children I had met and ministered to, making sure they had food in their tummies and warm coats and new shoes for school each fall. The whole of it… the abuse and the thought of leaving were too much for me to handle on my own. God had asked me to serve Him in this ministry, and He was providing more than I ever imagined.
While praying one morning, crying, stuffed-up nose and wadded-up tissues, God spoke to me in a loud and audible voice. “You are released.” I will never forget the calm that came over me, and I instantly knew it was going to be okay. I resigned from my position that morning. I did not know what God had planned for me, nor did I know how my flock would be taken care of physically, spiritually and emotionally. Those things were not up to me. I was just a vessel. God is the master. It was difficult for me to release the ministry and the people whom I had grown to love, but I trusted that God was bigger than me. He always has a plan.
We all go through seasons of struggle, perhaps times when we cannot see what lies ahead. We cannot even begin to imagine what it would look like if our lives were suddenly changed. If you are in the middle of a storm in your life, fighting a battle and praying for direction, remember: “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” God does not always give us a clear path and we often have to walk through storms to get to green pastures, but He always has a plan. When you feel like you are drowning under the weight, do not lose sight of the fact that God can and will show you a way out. Here are some things I picked up along the bumpy path:
- God hears and answers our prayers in His perfect timing.
- His plan is always bigger than we can imagine.
- Our view is limited but we must walk by faith, which requires constant prayer.
- Painful experiences are often the greatest teaching moments in our lives.
- We must trust God enough to give him everything, including our work, our income, our relationships and our service.
- If the King of Kings was persecuted, we can expect persecution too.
- When things happen suddenly and we lose our ground, it usually means that our assignment is complete in a particular capacity and God wants us to move on. (He may have been tapping gently on your shoulder for a long time and you failed to notice).
- We are his vessels. We do not belong to ourselves. We belong to God.
- He always has something better waiting if we are willing to listen for his voice and obey his promptings in our spirit.
- He always has a plan.
My experience of pain has given me in-depth insight into the sinful nature of man. When the blinders came off, I grew in wisdom. We cannot grow in wisdom when we walk around afraid to see things for what they really are, believing falsehoods. Through it, I became more grounded in my relationship with Christ and learned to look to him alone. I realized that I am strong. I experienced abuse and survived. There will always be evil in the world but there will always be good too. Look for the good.
Do not fear what you cannot see. Walk by faith. You are stronger than you know.
Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Such a timely and positive post for me to read! We must indeed to trust in Him. So many times it has been years before I understood why a difficult trial has to occur.
Everyday I am thankful for my faith. I am thankful for you.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving week!
Mary, I remember the shock I felt when, as a new Christian many years ago, I discovered that other Christians were not the ideal I had been expecting. They had their hurts and pains and even different perspectives on subjects, and thought differently about things than what I did. It took a bit of working through but with the help of God I came through that and am able to accept people, for the most part, for who and what they are. Different to me but still a valued and loved part of the body of Christ.
Thanks for this thoughtful post.
blessings,
Diana